Let me paint the scene. My wife and I had just come back home to Singapore after getting married in Thailand. We had a few days back in town before we were flying off on our honeymoon. We agreed we’ll try for a baby for a few months post-wedding and if it happened, it happened. If it didn’t, we’d go travelling at the end of the year.
In one of the days prior to the honeymoon, I come home after a long day at work, and as soon as I opened the door, the sweet smell of dinner hits my nose and my wife says “Hey bebe, dinner’s ready in 5 mins.” I asked if I could do anything to help but she said “Go make yourself comfortable.” Now this wasn’t anything out of the ordinary – my wife and I share cooking duties and she happened to be home earlier than me this night. But I knew something was up and I was happy to play along. After dinner and some chit chat, we hit the sofa to put our feet up. Before I could get comfortable, she stated matter-of-factly, “It’s time.”
Baby making sex is serious business. Having sex multiple times a day with the woman you love sounds a dream but when you have to do it on command and for a specific goal, it’s a totally different ball game. Any man who has gone through this process will know exactly what I mean. For anyone who is reading this and hasn’t gone through it, imagine this: at any given time, most likely when your partner is ovulating, you will get summoned to make a ‘transaction.’ Oh yeah, we called it ‘transactions.’ When you wake up, and it’s on like donkey kong. When you come back from work, you have to put in overtime. And at the weekend, let’s just say it’s better to be near home. You are at the beck and call of your partner's ovulation cycle and you don’t have a choice but to perform. It certainly takes the fun out of it.
I’m certainly not complaining. I’m just telling you how it is. I wasn’t the only one – my friends went through something similar. The common theme was the stress it puts on you and your partner. That’s something I wish I knew earlier. Because after each transaction comes the pregnancy test, and when that reads negative, it’s deflating to say the least. And every failed transaction thereafter hits you even harder.
For some people it happens straight away. For others, it takes months to even years. For a few, it doesn’t happen at all. What I am saying is that this process is totally normal and that others in your circle of friends have gone through or are going through the same thing. So talk to them about it. Let your partner know that she shouldn’t be carrying the burden because if she is anything like my wife, she will be. Life is a lot easier when you can step back, and take the perspective of something that everyone is going through. After all, you’re trying to do something amazing. Relax and enjoy it.